The beautiful feeling of falling in love with a Bahujan Ambedkarite

 

Priya

This is not going to be a long write-up, the sole purpose of writing this is to share the beautiful revolutionary feeling that we derive when we have fallen in love or have driven support from another Ambedkarite.

yasala balaiah painting

That moment when I read that person’s name in the book that I took from him to read on Babasaheb and women’s struggle, words won’t be enough to express how close I feel I am to him. Love that we share for Babasaheb is the best connection I have felt in my life. Those long talks, in small meeting after many days that we have, on bahujan politics gives me the strength to never give up and continue the struggle and keep improving my understanding of many things.

As a dalit woman from Bihar, the only thing that I could afford to care was to do well in studies and achieve something to be able to give back to my people, to acquire some knowledge and power to be able to affect the brahmanical system in as strong a way as possible. Little did I know that this politics of mine is also equally emotional, and never did I ever think that this struggle, which started with my taking birth in a dhobi community till I die, will be so empowering when I will be able to form an association with other Ambedkarites.

Identity politics is complex; it will strengthen and exhaust you at the same time. But this will remain not just in politics, it will affect one’s entire life. You will understand new things every day and many times it will break you, make you feel that you know so less every time, will even bring you to the verge of depression, and in all this the presence of another Ambedkarite who understands our struggle could be the best thing to happen.

In the bahujan home, the struggle to survive in the brahmanical system is so strong that they would rarely care about the amount of time or kind of love they are sharing with their family members, which is, of course, unintentional because to survive is the primary concern. In all of these the first/second generation bahujan students tend to fall in love and seek support and that lacking confidence through being in a relationship. But most of the times that relationship ends up exhausting them and affects them in a bad way. This cannot be quantified but if we look carefully then we will see that it is everywhere. It won’t be an exaggeration to say that the kind of relationship we are in does affect our lives the most, because, for bahujan students, the everyday struggle that they face, expecting some kind of support is natural.

The point of saying all this is to bring out the beautiful feeling that we share when surrounded by those like us. By being emotionally dependent on someone who faces the same trials and humiliation every day and then we stand with each other, by complimenting each other’s existence and by telling each other the importance of our struggle, we form that base for a bahujan revolution. And I read it somewhere; Love is the most beautiful feeling of all. But is it really when it is not telling you that I am there for you, always, or when it is not telling you that I understand what you go through every day or which doesn’t know the struggle that you face because of your identity? No, I think not. it is the best feeling when it is both emotional and political and then it becomes the most revolutionary feeling of all. 

Painting by Yasala Balaiah: Courtesy Internet

~~~

 

 Priya is an Ambedkarite pursuing Masters in Economics and hoping to contribute her bit in debrahmanising this discipline in India.

 

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