<SiteLock

Silence!

 

Abhilasha Bharti

abhilasha bhartiI woke up in the middle of the night and here I'm writing this. Writing because I realized that I haven't slept in the first place, and was half-awake thinking, analyzing many things. To name a few, for now: people, thought processes, society, etc. Yet, the topic which was overpowering everything else was about, "Silence". Hence, it compelled me to write my heart out and I vented it all out on paper before it got all heavy in my head.

Silence!

The way I have looked at silence has been so that I have never looked at it as something disturbingly uncomfortable (at least not for myself).
Silence lets you think and reflect.
Silence helps you to analyze yourself, things, and situations around you better.
Silence eases the process to let your guard down and allows you to be all vulnerable with yourself.
Silence provides a space where you get to be yourself without anyone seeing what are you up to, there ain't any judgments.

But what compelled me to write was "Deliberate Silence", something people choose to not speak about. Yes! I mean, you might have guessed it by now.

I spoke about my community,
My identity,
You chose to be silent.
I spoke about how women can be complicit in propagating caste and violence,
You couldn't help but choose to remain silent.
I spoke about how we shouldn't be always viewed as all vulnerable and helpless and there are several other ways that we could be looked at.
For instance, when we reclaim our, Rights and Dignity.
I questioned the matter of 'Gaze' but you chose to remain silent.

Your mindful othering of me and my people and at times, unconsciously done; when I questioned it all, you chose to be silent.

When I chose to speak about microaggressions, you chose to be silent.

Now what I mean here is, not that you never uttered any words. Of course! You did.
But it was more of an effort to make me silent,
To make me somehow feel that I'm driven by emotions,
That how I'm not talking logic,
How there are many other ways to look at things,
That somehow your 'gaze' matters the most in the room than my livid experiences.

Later, you also spoke that you do realize that how social location shapes one's social realities, about atrocities, about privilege, diversity and inclusivity, equality and justice etc., in some fancy superficial language without it coming from a deep conviction,
but to me, it was a mere 'Silence'.

Silence because you ain't letting it all go from within yourself, silence because you were playing safe! You wouldn't challenge caste in your respective caste location, you wouldn't talk about the annihilation of it; even if you do talk about it, it was not genuine to me since your silence and discomfort was evident and spoke volumes.

Now, not that it was always you who was silent. I was too.
I was silent because I didn't know who I was before, not that life was all rosy and happy for me, it wasn't that at all. Since caste society is such that it spared none of us.
I was silent back in school and somehow didn't want others to ask about my caste,
My identity was a matter of shame to me, I somehow always wanted to get away from that.
Alas! I couldn't.

My success story, me getting to a certain college or clearing some entrance was often somehow linked with Reservation.
It was a constant effort to make me feel an impostor,
That how I didn't deserve all of this and I couldn't help but be silent.

I was silent because I knew nothing about my identity and my history. But now that I know I won't be silent, but I'll talk more and more about it unlike you, who chose to be Deliberately Silent!

Period.

~~~

 

Abhilasha is an alumna of TISS, Mumbai, and is currently working as a Mental Health professional at Jansahas.

Other Related Articles

North American whites are also oppressed by the American empire
Thursday, 20 August 2020
  [SAVARI and Round Table India are doing a series to put together the Bahujan perspective on the Coronavirus pandemic]  Pushpendra: Hi Akil. Let us start with your brief introduction for... Read More...
Online classes and accessibility: ASA TISS report
Thursday, 30 July 2020
  Ambedkarite Students' Association, TISS (Mumbai) Ambedkarite Students' Association TISS released a report about online classes(A detailed report on how accessible the online class system is to... Read More...
What exists in India is a positively anti-social order: Suresh RV
Saturday, 25 July 2020
  Suresh RV (SAVARI and Round Table India are doing a series to put together the Bahujan perspective on the Coronavirus pandemic) Anu Ramdas: Welcome Suresh. Thank you for taking the time to do... Read More...
‘I am not your data, nor am I your vote bank.’ In Memoriam: Sociologist and Activist Abhay Xaxa
Monday, 29 June 2020
  Chitrangada Choudhury, Aniket Aga On 18 March 2015, near the Barwadih block office in Jharkhand's Latehar district, a group of about 60 Adivasi men publicly defecated on copies of the National... Read More...
Dalit single women in lockdown: Lived experiences
Sunday, 28 June 2020
  Madhavi Kamble Whether it is a natural or man-made disaster, the vulnerable sections of the society are the first to get hit. The Corona outbreak put the spotlight on the issue of daily... Read More...

Recent Popular Articles

Dalit Women in Higher Education in Odisha
Wednesday, 03 June 2020
  Saraswati Suna "I measure the progress of a community by the degree of progress which women have achieved." ~ Dr. B. R. Ambedkar Education is a path for equal opportunity and ensures... Read More...
Dissolving GO 3 - threat to Jal Jangal Jameen
Friday, 22 May 2020
  Sanjeev Gumpenapalli Introduction India's Adivasis had waged some of the greatest battles in various corners of the country to reassert their right to autonomy and self-determination. While... Read More...
COVID19 response: the immorality of it all
Friday, 01 May 2020
  Sruthi Herbert  (SAVARI and Round Table India are doing a series to put together the Bahujan perspective on the Coronavirus pandemic) Anu: The pandemic has thrown up so many conflicting... Read More...
Assessment of Health and Economic Status of Adivasis during COVID-19 Crisis
Tuesday, 26 May 2020
John Kujur The pandemic COVID-19 has wreaked an unprecedented health crisis and subsequently led to socio-economic instability across the world. The impact of the pandemic is perceived to be... Read More...
Covid-19 : Conversation on ruling class violence, relief and charity
Thursday, 11 June 2020
  Abhishek Juneja & Veeravenghai Vinith Kumar (SAVARI and Round Table India are doing a series to put together the Bahujan perspective on the Coronavirus pandemic)  Anu Ramdas: Thank... Read More...